Just wanna cry
by cattydeku
Summary: It hurts too much.. seeing them in each other's arms, y'know. Her heart clenched at the site. She fell for him, and then she fell apart. It happened all too quickly. Warnings inside.


**Ugh..**

 **Not a good time for me right now.. Still love you guys and I hope this doesn't tear your heart straight out :(**

 **I don't ship NaLi, but I'm just relatable right now, eh.**

* * *

 _Oneshot: Just wanna cry  
Lucy feels the pain of a heart being ripped out and smashed to pieces.  
 **Warning(s):** Depression, suicide._

* * *

NaLi.

That's what Mirajane came up with when Lisanna and Natsu finally got together, as a couple. While everyone cheered and laughed, Lucy sat at the back, tears threatening to fall. The couple was cuddling together, muttering sweet words to each other.

They were so.. _in love._

How Lucy longed for Natsu's feelings. Her heart roared with the fire within, thudding fast every time _he_ was near. When Happy rolled his tongue and whispered teasingly at Lucy, deep inside, she secretly wished it were true. Her fiery blush and stammering retaliation somehow hid it.

That's when she realized, she wasn't any closer than a best friend, heck she wasn't even his best friend anymore. She just chugged beer at the back, and every time she asked him to go out on a job with her, he would kindly decline saying, "I promised to hang out with Lisanna today."

When she went to her apartment that night, she expected Natsu and Happy to burst in from the window, but today..

It was too quiet.

When she ate, she looked at the chair across from her. She bought that since Natsu started inviting himself to dinner with her. She truly thought they were something but.. this is just how Natsu treats every one of his best friends, right? Well.. she wasn't his friend anymore. The seat was empty and dusty, not being sat in for a while.

Sighing, knowing she couldn't finish the food herself, she put the leftovers in the fridge and head to the bathroom.

Natsu was in there taking a bath with Happy, bubbles everywhere in the room.

That's what she wished was there. The mirage faded, with just the dull white bathroom, dry and unused. No sign of a fire-breathing mage in there. When she brushed her teeth, she expected him to pop up, saying "yo," but he wasn't there.

After she brushed her teeth, she climbed into her once-snug bed.

...

There was no warmth.

It felt wrong.

It was cold, being in the bed alone. No Salamander hidden in there, snuggled up in there and freaking the blond out.

He was never going to break in, now that he was dating Lisanna.

She would love to loath the girl who stole him from her but she was too kind.. she knew that Lisanna deserved Natsu and that Natsu deserved Lisanna. They were happy, everyone in the guild was happy, but.. nobody noticed the blond who cried to herself in the corner.

Finally, she tore up, her tears dampening her soft pillow. She silently cried, letting a tear one by one sink into her pillow.

It hurt.

It hurt so much.

It hurt so much knowing somewhere in Magnolia, Natsu was snuggling up with Lisanna affectionately, and how peacefully happy they were with each other.

...

Mindlessly, she walked into the kitchen and grabbed the closest and sharpest object near her.

...

 _This isn't right._

* * *

When she woke up in her bed, she was confused to the fact that there was blood around her arms, and that there wasn't any pain. Sighing, she picked herself up, discarded the knife in the bin, and got ready for the day.

 _"Morning Luce!"_

 _"KYAAAAA! LUCY KICKKKKKK!"_

... What was she thinking?

He was gone.

Lucy looked at herself in the mirror.

Red, bloodshot puffy eyes. Rosy cheeks and nose. Dried up tears making a vertical path from her eyes to her jawline. Quivering bottom lip. Dark eyebags.

This wasn't Lucy Heartfilia..

This was..

 _It is you._

That's right. She's just so broken, it's impossible to see that it was really her.

Without giving a thought to her appearance, she threw on whatever was at the top in her wardrobe on, tied her hair back and headed out. As she walked to the guild, her bangs hid her _hideous_ face.

 _..why're you going there?_

 _He's going to hurt you again._

 _He loves that white-haired woman._

 _She's far more beautiful than you._

 _We see why he chose her over you._

she shook her thoughts away, and pushed the doors open. Taking her usual spot at the back, Mira came up and placed a glass of water down saying, "Hello Lucy-san, what can I ge-" she was cut off when she took a closer look at the broken girl. "S-sorry.." she muttered apologetically and hurried away.

Not looking back.

Not offering to help.

She really wasn't worth their time, huh?

Lucy looked over at the new couple.

Cuddling, gazing into each others' eyes with such love. Soft smiles plastered on their faces as they embraced each other, whispering lovey-dovey things.

Before she could be caught staring, she snapped her eyes back to her arms, and without thinking, she broke the glass of water in her hands. The shattering sound catching everyone's attention, they all gaped at their forgotten comrade. The blond didn't think, she just did.

The sound of flesh ripping apart sounded _delicious_ in her ears. Many rushed over to stop her, but some were terrified seeing the gleeful, heartbroken grin on her face.

Natsu yelled out something, but her ears were buzzing.

Lucy stopped to look up at him with misty eyes, and cried. No one knew what to say or do. She just cried and ran outside.

She kept running, and she could hear everyone yelling out to her behind her. She didn't look back, but the tears feel continuously. Her heart clenched, not being able to take this crap anymore.

She found the cliff where Natsu and Lucy had gone star seeing before.

" _Hey, that's Leo, Loke!" Lucy pulled his arm and excitedly pointed at the constellation. Natsu smiled along, even though he had no idea what the constellations were. He just made sure his best friend was happy._

Another piece of Lucy broke when she cried into the sky, releasing a ridiculous amount of magical power into the sky.

It all felt numb, she didn't _care_ anymore. She wanted it to all be over. Her spirits appeared, panicked at their master. They watched on sadly.

"Lucy!" Natsu had finally caught up, and was stunned when he saw it all.

Bleeding arms. Crying honey-brown eyes. A deep frown melting into a sorrowful smile. Her toes just off the cliff. The spirits, they cried. She was dying, and he didn't know.

"Natsu.." she whispered, her words taken away by the air. Her ex-best friend's eyes were wide with shock and fear, and she continued, "I loved- no, love you.." She sobbed out.

"Lucy.." Natsu started to beg, "please, don't do this.."

"No one knew, no one knew about the girl who cried herself to sleep," she cried again, "nobody helped me, but still I love you.."

"Your pink hair,

your childishness,

your motion-sickness,

how you broke into my room,

your determination,

your love for your guild and friends,

everything."

Natsu froze.

" _I love you too much._ "

And then, she leaned off, until she lost her balance and fell.

" _LUUCYYY!"_ A desperate cry was heard after Lucy dropped off.

Memories ran through her mind.

 _"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest, so let's keep on going 'till the very end."_

"N-Natsu.." she swallowed the lump in her throat.

" _I won't let anyone take Lucy's future!"_

 _"We'll stop it, even if my body crumbles to bits, I'll stop it with my soul!"_

 _"I won't stop fighting when I'm tired, I'll stop fighting when you've shattered my heart into a thousand pieces!"_

 _"Save the tears for when we win."_

 _"I believe in you Natsu."_

The wind stopped whistling.

Pain, then numb.

* * *

 _ **Just wish I could get it over and done with.**_


End file.
